My Beating Heart Belongs To You
by theBrutalityofReality
Summary: As Jimmy watches Johnny and Whatsername together, he begins to feel an array of emotions...he just wants Johnny so damn bad. Slash, Jimmy/Johnny, oneshot.


**Author's Note: **Woohoo, first American Idiot fanfiction~!

So I finally got to see Billie Joe as St. Jimmy today, which made today easily one of the best days of my life. HETOOKHISSHIRTOFFOHGAWD!  
But yeah, I'm a huge shipper of Jimmy/Johnny, and I've wanted to write a fic about them for awhile. I sort of took this as Jimmy's emotions between "Last Night On Earth" and "When It's Time". It's just sort of him being a little sad, and thinking of how much he wants Johnny.  
But yes, hope you enjoy!

"Johnny!"

He heard Whatsername scream in pleasure. The two were currently making love, just trapped in their own little world, not even thinking that anyone else could possibly be watching them. They had each other, what more could the need? But both were so mesmerized and lost in each other, the person at the door just remained unnoticed and received no acknowledgement. The saint leaned against the door frame, his eyes locked on the sight. His facial expression seemed to express anger and rage, but his eyes did not seem to match this. His eyes appeared much softer, looking hurt and upset. Hearing and seeing the two of them like this...he just couldn't stand it! Jimmy felt his fists clenched after he heard her yell this. It was well past midnight, and Jimmy had come to wake Johnny up so they could shoot some heroin together. But right after he opened the door, he saw Johnny and Whatsername in bed together. That was about ten minutes ago, and Jimmy's eyes had been focused on the pair ever since. He had no idea why he was even watching this scene, it was just disgusting! It was almost like watching a train wreck, his eyes could not avert from the scene, even if he felt his heart breaking at the sight. Seeing Johnny with someone else...it just triggered so much within him. Things that almost never were exposed from within the all-powerful St. Jimmy An array of feelings was starting to take him over and consume his mind. Feelings that were not pleasure were something that he had tried to suppress for as long as he could remember...

Jealousy. He wanted that little tramp dead. Who the hell did she think she was? Prancing in here with her sexy little mini skirts, riving up Johnny's sex drive. Why did Johnny feel so attracted to her anyway? What was so great about her? What did she have that he didn't, well, aside from the ever so obvious female parts? So girls had boobs, big deal! He wasn't even sure if Johnny was into girls. Johnny had to be gay, he just had to be. Johnny's idolization for him was more of a crush, wasn't it? The kid had to want him, he just had to. Jimmy was probably looking into this a bit too much, and these might be nothing short of fantasies. Lies. But the lies were just so beautiful, how could he not believe them? He craved this fantasy to become reality, but _she _was in the way. And he had to get rid of that stupid little bitch. She needed to learn to keep her disgusting hands off Johnny. He didn't want to admit that he was jealous of her, but he knew that he was. And his jealousy was also causing feelings of hate and anger toward Whatsername, which in turn rived up another emotion that was consuming Jimmy.

Rage. He just felt so angry as he watched the scene in front of him. Johnny might be the son of rage and love, but Jimmy felt a hell of a lot of rage within him. What the hell was wrong with that ungrateful bastard? After all that Jimmy did for him, he was going around and screwing this girl. Jimmy opened up his life. If it hadn't been for him, Johnny would just be wasting away his time and not living life to the fullest. Jimmy recalled all of the doors that he opened for Johnny. He introduced the magic of drugs into Johnny's life. He gave that kid's life a meaning, or at least that's the way he saw it. Jimmy refused to believe that his influence was actually harming Johnny a lot more than it was helping him. He had to be helping him, he just had to be...but why didn't Johnny see that? He gave him all the drugs he could possibly want. Drugs didn't harm anyone. They just made things easier, and made the harsh reality seem better than it really was. Wasn't that what Johnny wanted? Didn't he just want to have a good time and mess around? But seeing him with Whatsername made Jimmy think that he was choosing a committed relationship over a good time. Jimmy could give Johnny both of these, but the dumbass just couldn't see it! He just wanted to knock some sense into that kid, make him see what was right in front of him, dammit! It bothered him so much...why didn't Johnny want him? A sigh escaped from his lips, and he looked down at the ground.

Regret. Jimmy felt himself regretting a lot of things as he watched this scene. Maybe he should have acted quicker. Maybe he could have been the one in bed with Johnny. Maybe he should have tried to keep Whatsername away from him. Maybe he should have given Johnny more drugs, try and increase his addiction. There were so many 'what-ifs' that were circling around his mind. He couldn't stand these though. They just showed what could of happened, but did not. And showed just how much of an idiot he was. There were so many things thathe could have done, but he just didn't. He refused to admit that he was the one to blame for not having his way though. It was Whastername's fault for being such a whore, and it was Johnny's fault for being too stupid to notice Jimmy. There, that sounded absolutely perfect. It couldn't be his fault. He was St. Jimmy, he was supposed to be the absolutely perfect idol that all looked up to and turn to. St. Jimmy was never wrong, he was always right...he just had to be right.

His eyes looked over the two of them once more...he couldn't stand the sight anymore! He let out a low growl before walking off, and slamming the door shut behind him. The door slamming triggered Johnny to sit up, staring at the now closed door frame.

"Was someone...?" He asked allowed, looking to Whatserface. She just shrugged her shoulders, seizing Johnny and beginning to kiss him passionately.

Jimmy stood just outside, leaning against the building. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling the smoke before breathing it out again. He hated all of these emotions that Johnny was making him feel. The only emotion that Jimmy ever liked to feel was pleasure, but he was stuck dealing with all of these ugly emotions that he usually tried to throw aside. Even the drugs were not helping to block out these emotions anymore. He hated that kid! He had to deal with all of this shit because of him now, and it just sucked. He hated him, he just hated him...no, he couldn't hate him. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't do that. He had never been in love with someone before. The only person he usually looked out for was himself. The St. Jimmy might be a savior to the lost and confused, but he really was only caring about himself. Until he met Johnny. That kid just changed everything about him. His feelings were quickly becoming more of an unhealthy obsession. He just had to have that kid, he had to. Maybe his obsession derived from the fact that he usually always got what he wanted, and he was actually not getting it for once, thanks to that bitch he was currently sleeping with. Jimmy still wasn't sure if he was really in love, or if this was just lust he had for the other. He had experienced lust for others in the past, but none of those compared to the way he felt for Johnny at the current moment. He leaned his head against the wall, eyes shutting as he took another drag from his cigarette. He pictured Johnny, Johnny's absolute perfect face. He had been waiting for someone like that to come into his life. He wanted to send all of his love to Johnny, and just hope the other accepts it. Johnny was starting to own his beating heart, even if he didn't want to admit it. St. Jimmy's heart couldn't be owned by anyone, it just couldn't be...but maybe Johnny was different. God he wanted that kid, he wanted him so bad. Maybe it was time to quit bitching and start taking some action, dammit!

One had to fight for what they wanted, and Jimmy was damn ready to do that. And he had a plan, a plan that wouldn't backfire on him at all. He had to get Johnny hooked. He had to make Johnny become dependent solely on him. And he had to get him to stop caring about Whatsername. There was only one solution to these problems, and Jimmy naturally had it - drugs. Jimmy threw his cigarette the ground, stepping on it to stop the light. He hurried inside, grabbing the heroin that he was supposed to give the other before. It was time to put the plan into action. Johnny was going to be his, and he was going to love him. Jimmy wouldn't accept anything else.


End file.
